Tag: writing

• Inherent Giftedness

  I see a lot of people with dementia ( now seen as on a spectrum like autism, as new to me is that Alzheimer’s is now used freely for dementia) in the residence where some of the sisters I care for reside.

  

  My current wondering is this: inherent giftedness. Dementia or not, is there inherent giftedness within each of us that will rise to the surface given a safe context? I am far from an expert on any of this, I just have this wondering.

  One sister I serve diagnosed with dementia has been planning Christmas phone calls for months – like probably since September she has been writing her phone list over and over again. Finally it is close enough to Christmas to start making the calls and she is feeling really good about doing these calls with her sister who supports her and guides her in the list making. I have known this sister for about 40 years on an acquaintance basis and I would say her inherent giftedness is building relationships and helping others feel welcome.

  A second person whom I do not support but see all the time is constantly asking to do things for others. She is thoroughly confused – the other day she said she just got home from work and said she had a great day there. A day later she was annoying another resident because she wanted to make sure they had what they needed to go outside ( they were not going anywhere) so I had to intervene and distract her with a task. She is always trying to take care of someone or help out. We gave her a teddy bear wrapped in a blanket this morning and she now has someone to focus her attention on. I don’t know how long it will last, but today it is a form of support for her.

  A third person I know is just miserable. She is grouchy, gives me annoyed looks when I talk to others she happens to be sitting beside ( who do like my company – I get called “she’s a good one” LOL as they just know me that way not via my name), and other residents think she is miserable 24/7 too. I wonder: is there an inherent gift residing within her that needs to be released or is being miserable all she cares to be???

  How blessed am I to see the beauty of all these residents. I also got smart the other day: I replaced “how are you doing?” with “what has been good in your day?”. Transformative! My gentleman friend in the residence, so kind and gentle, said in reply this morning, ” I don’t know yet, my day is just beginning!”, what an awesome attitude!!

  December 8, 2025

  dementia, family, life, love, writing

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• Who Will Carry Our Stories?

  This week has been full. One sister has healed in the hospital (well mostly on our initiatives) and another has been blessed with a long term care home bed so will be transferred to her new home today.

  

  As religious sisters, without the daily presence of families, and as age erodes memories, sometimes they arrive into a long term care home and their stories are not carried in. There is no one that has intentionally noted them, and if one is not a writer and records things personally, the stories are lost. In families there tends to be more intentionality to share stories and memories together, often with photos to trigger the connections.

  Are the stories important? Is how we lived our 90 years of life important to us as we age and sometimes forget our past? Or is it like a daily starting over, and the past is not really that present or important anymore?

  I think it is important. I think our touchstones with one another, our shared experiences and histories matter. I think they colour our lives and remind us of loving and being loved. They remind us of the providence of God woven through every breath we take.

  As I write up the story of this sister’s life I feel a sense of grief for her. Not because she has not lived a full and good life, but because the evidence of that is scarce. The evidence is not to affirm her beauty but to enhance it. To have common starting places and shared memories that are not just about details but about feelings, about the warmth in your heart when you look at old pictures and remember the joy of the moment, the sense of belonging you shared with others even if the dementia is robbing you of the the who what why.

  I am not confident about this, but I know when I brought some old pictures to look at with her there was more of a light in her eyes, not a struggle because she couldn’t remember, but a light that perhaps said I had a good life. I cannot get inside dementia, but I can try to access her heart by carrying some of the memories for her and help others to do the same.

  There is a time for everything, including being the carrier of others’ stories.

  October 18, 2024

  aging, art, building relationships, dementia, memories, photography, writing

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