Tag: relationships

• Risk and Hope

  

  There is a farm south of Saskatoon and the name posted on the barn is risk and hope. It has been there for 110 years. I am struck by how appropriate the name is for a farm. You cannot farm, you cannot dare to plant and hope to harvest, without taking a risk. The risk of planting at the right time to get rain, or the right time to avoid a plague of insects or trusting that the frost has really past. And then watching all spring to the fall to see if the crop will make it, to see what will be present to harvest, and what weather is going to even enable you to get the harvest done.

  There is a vulnerability to farming. There is a certain strength found in being vulnerable. It feels like vulnerability and strength are opposites, but I believe vulnerability is itself a strength. We have encountered others who seem to have navigated more challenges than ourselves, and who just keep putting one foot after the other and keep going. Not without pain, and not without grief. While being brave enough to witness through tears and other expressions of vulnerability as they keep moving. Even at those times when they have to stop and rest for awhile and they are honest about that too. I do not know when society decided tears are a sign of weakness instead of strength, but let us get over that.

  I had to go look up the word vulnerable: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. In Mariette terms it is the same as living life to the full. You cannot enter into relationships with other or use your gifts in service, without opening yourself up to pain and loss. You cannot age with integrity and embrace the challenges of life without being vulnerable.

  As I serve an older population, vulnerability is a challenging concept. Are we willing to accept help, to be vulnerable, when we cannot do things ourselves like we used to? Are we willing to be vulnerable with our ego and use the things that we need like depends? Are we willing to admit how much it hurts when we lose a loved one? Are we willing to say these simple words, “I need help”? Or “can you come with me”?

  Can you see another way to living life to the full without vulnerability? I am not good at it, but I see no other way.

  Relationships change, at times in our lives we are the care giver, at other times we receive care. All demanding a vulnerable heart, for in that exchange is life, and whether you are the foot washer or the recipient of that washing, in that vulnerable space is real love.

  July 27, 2025

  authenticity, mental-health, personal-growth, relationships, vulnerability, vulnerabliity

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• Agent Martineau

  

  I served lunch to two sections of one of the religious communities that I serve, on two different days. As the sisters age, with hearing and mobility challenges, gathering in small groups (less than 6) enables better listening and facilitates more intimate conversations. It really was lovely to prepare lunch for those two groups, and the sisters really enjoyed being together and sharing food together.

  My tension? I like being the server versus the one served. And in that admission is the tension of agency: creating space for authentic choice and free participation. The sisters were invited to share lunch together, and they could have chosen not to come, which is a healthy use of their agency. I asked them not to bring anything, that I would provide it all. Is that agency? I did not want to burden them, so I took away their path to participate through contributions.

  And then there are generational and cultural differences. Some read “invite” and think compulsory attendance, or that they are letting the invitee down by not attending. I reviewed the invite to see if choice was there, and it was, but maybe I need to accentuate it more and find ways to communicate that it really is a choice, no strings attached.

  How do we support our aging elders while still nurturing their agency? What choices can be woven into our interactions to create space for agency to be acted on? As a parent I know at times it was simply easier to tell my children what would be happening versus creating choices for them. Yes, it would take less energy to tell our elders what to do versus providing choices. It takes less time to decide for them, it is easier to organize things for them without their input, and so on. Yet, when we do that it is simply another way we are eroding the dignity that they so rightfully deserve through the use of their agency.

  On my way home to my family for a few weeks, a husband of a friend gave me a ride to the airport. He said he and my friend had said about me “oh she will gladly do many things for others, but she would never ask for a ride, so we better offer her one instead.” True. Here I am doing for the other when I myself am stubborn about receiving. Agency is not just about creating space for others to make choices but it is also owning one’s own needs and asking for help.

  As I dropped off one of the sisters at her residence after the lunch, I forgot to reach over and unclick her seat belt and immediately apologized. She replied, ” I have a voice, I can ask, it is not all on you.” Agency. Creating space for ourselves and others to give and receive. I think I will be a better community coordinator if I can look at those I serve and find pathways for mutual service, that is real and authentic and celebrates the gifts and wisdom of each person.

  Maybe that is what 2025 will be about, deepening my understanding and practice of agency.

  December 17, 2024

  agency, mutual-giving, relationships

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