I was jarred awake last Thursday by an early morning phone call from the nursing home one of the sisters was in. Over the past few weeks these calls had come in twice as they suspected she might be having strokes, yet her vitals always remained strong. This time her vitals remained strong but her body said bye, I am done, and she died. The nurses found her passed away, lying calmly in her bed.
I did not know this sister well, as I only met her 6 months ago and she had dementia so did not really say that much about herself. I do remember the day she was moved into long term care, transferred late in the day from the hospital. I got there as soon as I could and she just kept looking at me with what I would describe as sad eyes and repeatedly said, ” I am so confused”. She eventually settled in, though her mobility was lost and she was confined to a wheel chair.
The staff were kind, and worried about her. The nurse called and asked if there were any meal “prayers” (this was a secular home) that she might be used to experiencing before meals as she was not eating. Over the 3 months she was there she survived on Boost and the occasional pieces of white chocolate. Another caregiver found an ipad in the home and helped her to connect to mass online. Volunteers from Holy Spirit brought her to the weekly mass in the common room. She could be found in the common area a lot, which was a good choice for her as she was one who enjoyed watching others do things be it a music presentation, sitting at the quilting table, or observing the floor curling game going on around her. This nursing lodge was home to many people suffering from dementia, and I would describe it as a very loud place. There was always the chorus of one or two yelling, yet this sister, though sometimes she made a surprised expression, seldom reacted to the noise going on around her and she had good hearing.
After the nurse called to say she had died, I was at the nursing home within 30 minutes and I sat quietly with her until the funeral home came to pick her up. It was the only time I had been in the building when it was actually quiet. I opened the window as the cold would no longer bother her, and I talked to her quietly about how happy I was she was now home and I hoped there were many little dogs there to greet her for her puppy stuffy was something that she hung onto in her early confusion at the home.
One soon realizes that whether you have people in the room with you or not, dying is done alone. No one goes with you, and no one checks to make sure you got there OK. You just go.
Rest in peace Sister, thank you for the smiles and warm welcomes you often blessed me with and for allowing me to just be there with you in the times you felt lost and confused. I have no doubt that the flights of angels have welcomed you home.
Now and Then 