Tag: mental-health

• Risk and Hope

  

  There is a farm south of Saskatoon and the name posted on the barn is risk and hope. It has been there for 110 years. I am struck by how appropriate the name is for a farm. You cannot farm, you cannot dare to plant and hope to harvest, without taking a risk. The risk of planting at the right time to get rain, or the right time to avoid a plague of insects or trusting that the frost has really past. And then watching all spring to the fall to see if the crop will make it, to see what will be present to harvest, and what weather is going to even enable you to get the harvest done.

  There is a vulnerability to farming. There is a certain strength found in being vulnerable. It feels like vulnerability and strength are opposites, but I believe vulnerability is itself a strength. We have encountered others who seem to have navigated more challenges than ourselves, and who just keep putting one foot after the other and keep going. Not without pain, and not without grief. While being brave enough to witness through tears and other expressions of vulnerability as they keep moving. Even at those times when they have to stop and rest for awhile and they are honest about that too. I do not know when society decided tears are a sign of weakness instead of strength, but let us get over that.

  I had to go look up the word vulnerable: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. In Mariette terms it is the same as living life to the full. You cannot enter into relationships with other or use your gifts in service, without opening yourself up to pain and loss. You cannot age with integrity and embrace the challenges of life without being vulnerable.

  As I serve an older population, vulnerability is a challenging concept. Are we willing to accept help, to be vulnerable, when we cannot do things ourselves like we used to? Are we willing to be vulnerable with our ego and use the things that we need like depends? Are we willing to admit how much it hurts when we lose a loved one? Are we willing to say these simple words, “I need help”? Or “can you come with me”?

  Can you see another way to living life to the full without vulnerability? I am not good at it, but I see no other way.

  Relationships change, at times in our lives we are the care giver, at other times we receive care. All demanding a vulnerable heart, for in that exchange is life, and whether you are the foot washer or the recipient of that washing, in that vulnerable space is real love.

  July 27, 2025

  authenticity, mental-health, personal-growth, relationships, vulnerability, vulnerabliity

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• Flickering Ember

  

  There has been a time gap since I last wrote. Sometimes I get busy with the diversity of projects I am connected to that extend beyond my work with Canadian Religious Stewardship. And sometimes I am simply not inspired.

  Here I am today, a spring fresh morning in Saskatoon. I walked with music this morning, and came upon a long term favourite song of mine: The Mystery of Your Gift sung by Josh Groban. I listened to it over and over and came to the conclusion: this song speaks deeply to me of dementia.

  Consider these lyrics:

  “A single note passes out of the ashes
  A flickering ember begins
  It’s the courage to turn when the pages have burned
  And your story now seems at an end
  Seasons stay and seasons go
  Sending your memories adrift
  It’s the beautiful longing, embrace the unknown
  That’s the mystery of your gift.”

  On Friday when I had some free time before heading home, I went to find two of my dementia friends to see if they wanted to get outside as it was a stunning spring day. (Want to gift a senior’s home? Volunteer to sit with people outside or take them on a walk around the block). My friends said yes and off we went. What is great about dementia is there is no pondering of what is next or seeking to find past tasks, overall depending on the type there is often an easy focus on the present.

  So off we went. Me stopping to look at the budding trees and them following, me teasing ( with these two they have the cognitive power for that) about a variety of things I notice along the way. Like should we borrow that kid’s skateboard for a whirl? I love hearing them laugh or chastise me teasingly when my imagination gets carried away. They are having the courage to turn when the pages are burned, they are embracing the unknown as their memories are adrift. Some days they hurt as they cannot find their people, but more consistently there is joy. One wobbles in her heels with her heavy socks…the other walks simply taking in the spring air with a big smile on his face.

  We lost a third friend a few weeks back. A gentleman who often walked about with his arms crossed and a grouchy look on his face. A grouchy look that disguised a kind and joyful heart despite his frustration about not doing the “work” he thought he was still supposed to be doing. How I will miss the “moments” of joy from him as he tried to teach me German.

  The mystery of the gift – we will never fully comprehend what is going on in a mind with dementia. But let’s trust the mystery of it all and enable them to push us to be present in the moment. That is really all we have, is it not?

  May 5, 2025

  aging, alzheimers, dementia, family, health, mental-health, moment, time

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• Quality of Life

  My pondering this week has been circling around the concept of quality of life. What are, could be, should be, the perimeters around this? Every person would probably answer that question differently. We know with the option of MAID in Canada the choice can now be made (interesting homonyms when you think about it) to end one’s life if one deems one’s quality of life is not enough to keep living (and you meet the MAID criteria). 

  

  My sister and I were discussing this. She has a brother in law who is special needs, in his early 50’s, now residing in a long term care home as he is no longer able to walk on his own. 

  I am supporting a religious sister in a similar situation. 

  We wondered aloud why painkillers like Tylenol given out whether the person is in pain or not? The sister I support will not swallow the pills so they are ground up and fed to her with yogurt. You can see how bitter they are when ground up by the look on her face when she tastes the concoction.

  She was walking before she got admitted to the hospital on a social admission then many weeks later placed in a care home. In her dementia she was rude to staff and her incontinence was a problem. She would take off her depends in the hallway after having a bowel movement in them.

  After being in the hospital with the limited resources there she is no longer able to walk. The system from my perspective has failed her. On the spectrum of one’s final chapter of life and care, as kind and helpful as the home staff are, the system has failed her, is failing her.

  Why do I say that? I say that because it seems to me that her quality of life does not seem to be the central concern. The central concern is that as long as we somewhat meet her physical needs we have done our job. There are some quality of life activities that she gets connected to in the home. Music entertainers when they are in, and the other day she was sitting at a quilting table just smoothing down the fabric and enjoying it.

  I guess the real question I am struggling with is once again a question of enough: what is enough care? How is enough defined in a checklist for living a quality of life until the end, to natural death?

  Suffering is also a part of life, and MAID removes that reality for those who seek it. I am not saying bring the suffering on, I am just wondering about long term effects on the human spirit if we no longer have to deal with  pain. I do not know how I would handle long term care if it was me, or terrible pain and illness if it was me. I just know that when I am with this sister I am constantly challenged to ponder the baseline of what is enough care for quality of life, and wondering if there are better ways through these final life chapter besides MAID. I do not have a medical background, so perhaps I am not even entitled to raise the question. 

  Yet, this is what I have seen: 

  • Visiting her in emergency ( starting place for hospital placement until a nursing home bed can be found) and seeing her arms black and blue from inserting IV’s in case she may need meds or liquids delivered that way. She was perfectly fine without the IV before arriving in the hospital.
  • Seeing her in the hospital in restraints as she kept pulling the IV’s out as she did not like them or understand them. 
  • Seeing her physical state deteriorate day after day from being able to walk to having curled feet unable to walk, from eating herself to not having manual dexterity to do that. 

  After visiting her in the hospital the day after her admittance there I told the community leader that I would never allow anyone to be put in this situation again if I had access to resources to do it differently. It was like a scene from those old movies in which someone was involuntarily placed in a psych hospital. 

  The challenge though is just that: having the resources – be it finance, knowledge, health world connections – to never have to do it again. The reality is that many people are living a long time. We do not have the resources lined up to provide a positive quality of life when they do, when we do. 

  I do not know what the answers are, I just know that I need to allow myself to be disturbed by this situation so that I do not become complacent and say it is what it is. From my world of education to my new world of elder support and medical issues, complacency is not an option in either. Serving our young and their families is one of the ways we ensure the elders are cared for too. 

  May we be blessed with wise hearts that seek to serve the other in whatever situation they may find themselves.

  November 17, 2024

  aging, maid, mental-health, quality of life

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