Now and Then

The word generativity is surfacing for me this week. It is the 7th stage (of 8 stages) of Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. I am not an expert on this, and a new psychologist friend does not put much credence in such theories. Nonetheless I am starting with it this morning. I am uncertain about Erikson’s expectations regarding lifespan. He placed the end of this generative stage at about 65. Many of the people I support would then be living their final stage (integrity) for over 30 years!!

I think there is value in exploring generativity and integrity. In my simplistic interpretation of things, the two questions asked by these 2 stages are:

• What am I leaving behind, as in what have I generated?

• How am I coming to terms with my life as a whole? Have I lived a life of meaning and purpose?

According to Erikson’s age scale, if you do the math, one might spend 20 to 30 years in this last chapter of life. I firmly believe in the cyclical nature of life. I think our lives are more of a spiral that we “zip” up and down on. It’s not a linear reality where we check off each stage and keep moving forward on the life line. In saying that, I dare to say that each of the 8 stages are part of one another. Generativity, for those who have nurtured a heart of compassion and service, is woven throughout most of the stages. 

I observe the tension of generativity and integrity. It is clear when someone admits they can no longer “do/serve/contribute” like they used to. They face new physical limitations. I hear their struggle for integrity. They want to know that their human goodness remains. They care for others even if they cannot show it in the same ways as before. 

People with solid cognitive function share care home meals with those with limited cognitive function. I see them wrestle with the tension of generativity and integrity. The tension is visible in their acknowledgment that the latter need their compassion and support. Yet, one wonders when one can just “be”. Is there a point when one can freely say, “I can be a person of integrity without serving the other?” 

I wonder too about generativity being present through the acceptance of the service of others. I support Roman Catholic sisters as they age. I do a lot of things for them that they once easily did for themselves. They create space in their lives for me to support them. In doing so, they allow a place of generativity for me and my gifts. For some of them it does not seem fair that I serve and they appear to receive. Or that in their minds I work so hard while they feel they do so little. I do not know what is fair. I have no idea how well I will “receive” when it is my turn to do so. I just feel strongly that their generativity now involves learning to receive graciously. It also includes discerning well the support they seek.

Through all of this, we try to support aging 90 year olds. We also strive to be a place of comfort and hope for 50 year olds dealing with cancer. Rationally none of it makes sense. Why can’t we just distribute the years evenly? This way, everyone can live longer lives. Yet we know that physical age is not really relevant. What truly matters is how one lives and moves with love and compassion, regardless of the length of life. And somehow life does not even need to make sense. It needs to be lived with love and hope. Along the way, one must acknowledge the pain and unfairness felt at the illnesses that claim whomever they want. 

As we begin this Advent season, we are part of the church spiral of life. It calls us to seek light and justice in the season of darkness. May we hold close those amongst us who are feeling “beat up” or forgotten by God. May we hold close those who need our prayers and concrete support the most right now.

 “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness…” Psalm 25